How do you know where you should be in life? I turn 34 this year. Some friends are married, other are single. Right now none are engaged, or as I like to call it, inbetween, How do you know you found the right person in life? Why do so many people get divorced? Did pre-baby boomers just stay together because they were married?
I am happy, I am in love but sometimes I feel like I let people down. When you take the next step, you can have down days, but if I take myself down, I really effect someone elses life. Thats a scary though, ya know?
I have lived on my own, or with my ex for a long time. Living in NYC was great but the relationship was sour. We were together for all the wrong reasons. This has happened twice and thank god none of them made it to the next level. I know this one will if I continue the route I am going on. I know its positive, I just have to remember that.
How do you know you will love the same person in 2, 5 or 20 years? Both of my parents are in their second marriage and they are happier their second time around. Who the fuck wants to go through that. Then I have an ex who is under 30, divorced and has a child. She misses out on a lot of things, but when she is my age, her son will be able to do what he wants and she can have a life. Its almost the reverse of what most people do.
Anyway, I am looking for an apartment this week and next week. The job is going well and I guess life is good. I need to focus on reality a little more.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
May 6, 2010 @ 6:51pm
It's been a while....
New job has been an adjustment. Its strange to see residents that were in other facilities I worked in over the years. It doesn't say too much about them and staying clean, or maybe it doesn't say too much about the job we do as counselors.
I have no desk, no computer, etc. I am grateful for the job and I have settled in, but I don't know why they had me start before these things were in place. Its not fair to me and its not fair to my clients. I have to do therapy sessions in odd places and its not fair to anyone plus we really are breaking confidentiality.
I am trying to not let it eat me up. I held it in all week but I see myself taking it out on loved ones after work and apologizing. Thank god I see my therapist tomorrow, I need to vent some more.
Thoughts of numbing myself jump in my head but I don't want to end up back in the seats opposite my imaginary desk, sitting in a rehab again for the, well lets just say again.
I am far from perfect like I say, but I am not getting any younger....
New job has been an adjustment. Its strange to see residents that were in other facilities I worked in over the years. It doesn't say too much about them and staying clean, or maybe it doesn't say too much about the job we do as counselors.
I have no desk, no computer, etc. I am grateful for the job and I have settled in, but I don't know why they had me start before these things were in place. Its not fair to me and its not fair to my clients. I have to do therapy sessions in odd places and its not fair to anyone plus we really are breaking confidentiality.
I am trying to not let it eat me up. I held it in all week but I see myself taking it out on loved ones after work and apologizing. Thank god I see my therapist tomorrow, I need to vent some more.
Thoughts of numbing myself jump in my head but I don't want to end up back in the seats opposite my imaginary desk, sitting in a rehab again for the, well lets just say again.
I am far from perfect like I say, but I am not getting any younger....
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